When I was single, not dating, and living a full life with family and friends, I decided to try on wedding dresses. I had no idea what style I liked or anything about wedding dresses. I tried a few styles and found one that suited me. Then, I thought that knowing my dress style was part of preparing for marriage. I was so wrong. A wedding dress doesn’t prepare you for marriage—it will make you look beautiful, but I wouldn’t recommend confusing preparing for an event with preparing for a marriage.
One day, my husband and I were discussing what it really takes to prepare for marriage. He asked, “What do women need to do to prepare themselves for marriage?” Reflecting on my own experience, I would say that the best way to prepare for marriage is through serving. It can be challenging to show selflessness in marriage if you haven’t had experience in giving yourself to another person for a greater purpose. Serving teaches valuable skills, like how to connect and communicate with others.
There are always competing priorities—whether it’s focusing on personal growth, advancing your career, or building a business. Making time to serve someone else might feel like a stretch, but it’s worth it. Ideally, you want to be in an environment that pushes you to be your best, helping you practice serving at your fullest capacity. Along the way, you can also develop other qualities essential for marriage, like understanding people with completely different perspectives.
There are many personality tests out there with compatibility charts and scores. What I’ve learned from these is that compatibility isn’t about matching a certain personality type. Some tests may indicate compatibility with a particular person, while others may suggest the opposite. Regardless, you should be willing to contribute positively to a relationship. How you give, in my view, should be how you prepare for marriage.
Looking at this biblically, the Easy-to-Read Version of Ephesians 5:21-24 offers a clear perspective on giving in relationships:
Be willing to serve each other out of respect for Christ. Wives, be willing to serve your husbands the same as the Lord. A husband is the head of his wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. Christ is the Savior of the church, which is his body. The church serves under Christ, so it is the same with you wives. You should be willing to serve your husbands in everything.
When both women and men focus on building the skills of giving and serving, any relationship has a greater chance of success. So, instead of making a list of what you want in a man, make a list of how you want to serve in marriage. That is the best way to prepare: serve.
We can also look to the life of Jesus for an example. Matthew 20:28 (NIV) states, “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45 (NIV) echoes this: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Following Jesus’ example, we can say, “In my marriage, my focus is to serve.” Practice this now by serving your family and friends. You can also serve in your church or community.
So to recap: How do women prepare for marriage? Serve.